Curly Traveller

A global life captured in pictures

You are here: Home / Lifestyle / How plastic surgery changed my nose and my life. Part 1.

How plastic surgery changed my nose and my life. Part 1.

I looked like the prettiest little angel when I was a toddler. Blue eyes, white-blond curls, sweet smile. Cute as a button.

You probably have seen this picture of me before, but it so happens that I do not have a lot of pics from the first half of my life. That’s why I fall back on the same few all the time;-).


Then I grew up.

Although I remained overall small and skinny for a long, long time, the only thing that really blossomed was my nose.

Schoolmates. All the same age, but I (middle) clearly am the smallest of all. Nowadays, I am taller then most of them; typical case of a late-bloomer.



Not a total surprise, since both my father AND my mother have ‘character’-noses. Only difference is that they have always looked charming and attractive with their noses, while the ‘multiplied’ nose that I inherited not quite had the same effect on others.



I studied Remedial Education, so I frequently came in situations that involved a lot of children. It happened more then once, that in a room filled with not only children, but also staff and other adults, a child would point at me and ask loudly:”Is that a witch ?!” Deafening silence, all eyes on me, hurt and embaressement.

In case you think, based upon the pictures in this post, that my nose wasn’t all that bad, realize this:

  • Ofcourse I only saved pictures back then that show me at my best
  • Big noses are all about profile, angle and light. A frontal picture hides the real size the best.
  • My nose actually looked a lot like Barbara Streisand’s nose.
  • Over-lighting pics also helps to make a big nose look less distinct;-)



In bars (drunk) guys would come up to me out of the blue and say things like: “Wow, you are so ugly, I did not know they made them this ugly!”. Sometimes this was shouted out, to overcome the loud music that was played. Not just awkward, but hurtful too, and shocking to receive unsolicited insults and aggression like this, while I was minding my own business.

Sorry for the grainy pics-of-pics, but they are all I have from those days.



At my work in a mental institution, at the dinner table, surrounded by about 25 patients and a handful of colleagues, a patient unexpectedly yelled at me over the table: “You look like a freak! Maybe you should join the circus.” Some people started laughing, others did not know where to look. I just wanted to disappear in a hole in the ground.



And these are just some examples…

Children, drunk guys, mental patients, I hear you object. Look who’s talking. Sure.
But are you really going to tell me that this would not get to you and that you would still feel relaxed in these situations? Well, if so, good for you. For me, it was deeply hurtful and upsetting and it made me scared in and for social situations.



Yes, I did have many dear friends, and no, it never kept me from dating great and handsome boyfriends. None of them made a problem of my nose.

Despite of that, I kept being bothered by the big discrepancy between who and how I was and felt on the inside (sweet, kind, sensitive) and what I apparently looked like on the outside (a mean witch). The regular verbal attacks out of nowhere kept upsetting me.



When I was around 30 years old, I read an article in a magazine. The writer had experienced similar things like me and finally decided to have a nose job. I recognized her story, her feelings, and was inspired by her decision and by the effect of her new nose on her.

I decided that enough was enough. I wanted to look more or less ‘normal’. I wanted my outside to be congruent with my inside. I wanted people to see ‘me’, the whole person, when they met me, not just my nose, for the first meter hour or so.

So my quest for a ‘normal’ nose started right there and then.

In the Netherlands at that time, plastic surgery could be paid for by your health insurance. But not for cosmetic reasons. There had to be or medical or psychological reasons. In my case that would be emotional suffering.

First step was to meet with an insurance-doctor who would judge if I was eligible for a valid claim. I went there, nervous, armed to the teeth with stories like the ones above.
I sat down in front of him, ready to answer a ton of questions, but instead he asked me to look to the right…..and to the left…. and said: “Well, that looks pretty obvious to me. Please DO go for plastic surgery. We will pay for it.”
For a moment I did not know wether I should feel hurt and insulted (apparently my nose was THAT bad!) or to jump in the air, since I did not have to fight for my request.
I chose for the latter;-).

Next step was meeting the plastic surgeon.

A few weeks later he received me in a small, sterile room in a big hospital. He looked at me and said: “Yes, we can give you a nose-job. Maybe your nose will look a bit smaller after that.” Me: “Excuse me…maybe??? A bit smaller?”. Plastic surgeon: “Yes, we never know exactly how it’s going to work out.”

I was in shock. I only had one face and I did not feel for gambling with it. “Maybe…”. Tssss….
This was surgery we were talking about, full anesthetics, hospital, my only nose, my only face…. I did not feel reassured by this surgeon at all. No way that I was going to let him operate on my face. Or anywhere else for that matter;-).

So I decided to write the author of the article and ask her the name of her plastic surgeon. I succeeded to contact her and received her answer.

From there on my quest for a new nose went in a whole other direction. Litteraly!

To be continued.






Comments

  1. WOW that is horrible. Not your nose, but how mean some people can be. I think you looked pretty with that nose, but I do understand your decision - because of those meanies ><
    I was insulted all the time at school when I was a teen, they’d pick on ANYTHING and EVERYTHING about my looks even if I didn’t look anything unusual. I guess the bullies were also trying to feel better about themselves by putting down someone else, but they did make me feel like there’s something wrong about my looks. I was really insecure about my looks for years.

    Reply

    • Thanks for your sympathy, Lara, and sorry for what you had to endure! Although we never met, I see and feel via your blog that you are beautiful inside and out.
      Bullying can be devastating.!

      Reply

  2. Wow this is so interesting!!!

    Well sad obviously that you had to go through all that pain and humiliation as as a kid and adult but interesting that such surgery would be paid by your health insurance and of course interesting that it obviously turned out in the end.

    For years I wanted a nose-job. Before that I wanted a boob-job. Then upon aging more of course I wanted the whole face lift. I never got any of them. Too scared. Especially now after my last surgery.

    I know people that have had all of them and lived to tell their stories, quite happy that they took the plunge.

    That said, my sister recently had an eyebrow lift. Although it definately looks good, she said immediately she would never do it again and has to figure out less invasive ways to slow down the aging process. She still doesn’t have all the feeling back in her scalp. The nerves have to regrow. It’s little things like that which they fail to tell you before the surgery. Also of course it is very costly.

    Can’t wait to read the rest of the story.

    Very brave and honest of you to write about it.

    I love the old photos of you. Beautiful, strong willed and contemplative.

    bisous
    Suzanne

    Reply

    • How surprising and unexpected (for me) to learn that you wanted all those operations. Well, obviously not the surgeries but the results/changes. Surprising, because you look absolutely very attractive and sexy. Really; stay far from plastic surgery, dear, if you are not suffering!

      And I agree with you: surgery is no joke and not to be taken lightly.

      I needed another major surgery in my face about 8 years ago (not for cosmetic reasons, I may blog about it one day) and if I would have had a choice I would NEVER have gone for that. It was a traumatic event that took me months to recover from totally. It was a nightmare. Different from yours, of course, but maybe comparable in dramatic impact.

      I hope for your sister that her sensations come back fully. In my case it restored 100%.

      And thanks for your kind words towards my previous version (nose wise, that is).

      Reply

  3. I would have done the same thing as you did Anja. You know that. I know the experiences you went through. Drunk guy (drunks tell the truth, they say) coming up to my friend and me saying “you are beautiful and you are ugly”. As I did not have anything distinctive I could not do anything about it.
    Wanted a boob job for a long time. Glad I never did as they grew after all and now I wished they were small again. As you know I have had plastic surgery three times to stop the aging process and had no problems whatsoever with the operations. I am the lucky one. But I only so “nip tuck” things. I would never put things in my body that do not belong there. Always afraid my body might reject it. But everybody has their own fears.
    Greetje

    Reply

  4. Anja…oh, you KNOW how this post rings so true for me too. Like you, I have few photos of my childhood and teen years because I hated taking pictures, and I think only one or two profile shots even exist. There is nothing worse than waking up and hating your face because of your nose, and feeling helpless as to how to fix it.

    And people are so, so cruel, they have no idea. I feel so bad that you had to go through all that, I really do. Going over to read your next post on this…

    Reply

    • Thanks for stopping by and for leaving some heartfelt comments, V. I really appreciate that!!!

      I know we have been in the same boat. I am happy for both of us that we managed to change our life and suffering. Once more: YAY for new noses;-).

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *