My personal alternative facts

Alternative facts

Just when you think you’ve heard and seen it all, there it is. A brand new phenomena: ‘alternative facts’.

Alternative facts, hmmm, I like the sound of it…. The sky’s the limit, right?!

I’d say it’s just Trump-speak for ‘fiction’ or ‘lies’. But hey, who am I??? Nothing and nobody, of course, compared to God’s gift to mankind: Donald Trump.

My personal alternative facts

The concept sounds so brilliant and inviting, that I thought I’d give it a go. Try it out for myself.

So here are five personal alternative facts.

1. I love animals, but I’m allergic to them. I am, in fact, THAT allergic, that the only animals I communicate and pose with are either dead, stuffed or sculpted.

2. Once a month I visit this metal installation in Singapore. When you place your feet on the metal steps and your head under the ‘hood’, an electric current goes through your brain. When you step away, after a minute or so, one of the silver objects of the installation will have materialized and is yours to take home. So far I managed to score the shopper-bag and the doggie. I named him Silver.

3. I’m a huge sports person. My favorite sportive pastime is to swing. I try to swing at least three hours per day and was the number 1 Swing Champion of the Netherlands in 1984 and 1993.

4. As a toddler I was told the story of Peter Pan. The ability to fly fascinated me straight away. But it was when I saw Mary Poppins some years after that, that I knew for sure that one day I would fly too! Or at least levitate.

At age 15 I started practising.

Ofcourse one cannot simply take off. The general advice to those who desire to fly is to do some serious ‘jumpology’ first. (Or, for cheaters and lazy persons, become a pilot or air hostess, of course.)

Here are some of my attempts:

Unfortunately I only succeeded to levitate once, as you can see in the big picture here under. But fortunately I had a witness who was able to catch it on camera. Pretty impressive, don’t you think?

In the end I came to the conclusion, that I would never become a levitation-champ. Not enough talent. I decided to stick with my swinging talents. After all they bring me high in the sky too, right?!

5. The people in my family tend to get old. Very old!

I’m not saying that they still LOOK good when they are at age, but they are still pretty perky.

Check out my great-aunt Flo, in the left picture. She is 158 years old, her skin is sagging and of an unhealthy complexion, but look at those eyes. Cheeky!

As you can see, my friend Jon still feels the chemistry. I had to remind him that his wife was standing on my other side. Phew…tricky!

And then we have auntie Flo’s husband since 140 years -in the right picture-, my great-uncle Waldemar. Sure, he too has serious skin-problems and may not look all that grand, but boy, what a charmer! And that for a man of 160 years old. Fantastic!

There.

Five personal alternative facts.

Fantasy as reality. Yay or nay?

I have to say: it’s quite a fun and thrilling concept to work with. Really!

I’m not sure wether ‘just’ facts will do the trick for me any more…. The whole idea of sticking to facts, truth and reality is quite…what shall I say… boring? ….limited and limiting?….narrow-minded? …rigid?

Exactly, that’s the whole problem! Yeah, I can see it clearly now.

I say: “who needs facts, when we can have alternative facts.”

“Thinking out of the box”, I say.

Invigorating times are awaiting, folks. Excitement is flowing through my veins. Woohoo…I’m on a roll.

Thank you, mister Trump, for opening up a whole new world for me. A world in which fantasy is as valid as reality. A world is which a lie is as true as the truth. NOW we’re talking!

Yesterday I still despised you; that’s a fact. But today…today you’re my hero. And with that alternative fact I conclude this post.

Dear readers, are you as thrilled as I am about Alternative Facts?